Can We Be Free of Conflict?
Theosophist Magazine, Vol. 145, Sept 2024, page 34.
A COUPLE of months ago, in a moment fraught with tension, a dear friend suddenly slammed the phone down on me; that was the end of our communications for a long while. The suddenness of what occurred stunned me, opening a wide space with no thought coming in. I did not have a response, a thought or an emotion. I waited, and nothing happened. After a while, I chose to stay with that spaciousness that had opened, and the wondering of what might still happen. The potential for it being an ending to the friendship became apparent as the days and then weeks went by.
It was during the sustained pause in our communication that I came to understand clearly that my friend had been overwhelmed with what he had going on in his life, so our agreement to travel together had become unimaginable for him. I also realized that on my part I had been making demands on someone who was clearly overwhelmed.
Still, I waited, though I had started to enjoy the peace that had replaced the emptiness and along with the wonder if that was all there was. When he did apologize many weeks later, I admit that I was immensely relieved and grateful, which was expressed along with my own apology for adding to the overload. There was growth on both sides into compassion for self and the other, and wanting to be more sensitive toward others’ needs going forward.
My point in telling this story is the potential in the pause to end conflict. I was fascinated and incredibly curious during that long pause I experienced and, the longer I stayed in non-action, the greater the acceptance and contentment of letting go. Consequently, I have focused on allowing more frequent pauses during my daily life simply as a way of resetting myself to become present to the peace inherent in a pause and, when I can see it, the potential to defuse an oncoming conflict with another or within myself.
When I pause, I can see how selfimportance arising from the content of my consciousness is driving the bus, and the equal potential to drop it and return to equilibrium. When I can stay with a pause, I open to receiving clarity. It is a beautiful space to enter, like being a passenger on a plane gliding high above the clouds — the spaciousness between thoughts, between actions — and it is very powerful with its held energy which can travel in any direction or stay in suspension. So when asked the question, “Can we free ourselves of conflict?” The answer for me now is a resounding “Yes”.
Let us examine what Krishnamurti has said:
Our consciousness has been programmed for thousands and thousands of years to think of ourselves as individuals, as separate entities struggling, in conflict from the moment we are born until we die. We are programmed to that. We have accepted that. We have never challenged it; we have never asked if it is possible to live a life absolutely without conflict. Never having asked it we will never learn about it.
We repeat. It is an innate part of our existence to be in conflict — nature is in conflict: that is our argument — and we consider that progress is only through conflict. Religious organizations throughout history have maintained the idea of individual salvation. We are questioning very seriously whether there is an individual consciousness; whether you, as a human being, have a separate consciousness from the rest of mankind. You have to answer this, not just play with it.
(2nd Public Talk, 14 July 1981)
One evening recently, I was with a small group in Pine Cottage, at the Krishnamurti Foundation in America, Ojai, California. Our focus in the dialogue that night was on the very quote by Krishnamurti mentioned above and the idea that we, as a group, could make a contribution to end conflict in the world. There were five of us present that night, and one person said: “Five of us is enough that if we as a group experience a shift, we will impact the world.”
We all agreed we would see what might happen during the next couple of hours. What he said rang true for me along the lines of Yoga, that the world is as one sees it; everything we say and do colors our own experience and so, the world. Physics also tells us we are living in one connected biosphere so one action does impact the whole; a conversation here may change something on the other side of the planet.
My studies had shown me what Shaivism has said, chaitanyam âtma, “the Self is Consciousness”. Consciousness is the perfect principle, which is all-pervasive. (Secret of the Siddhas, by Swami Muktananda, p. 98). There is only one Consciousness, though myriad thoughts and worlds arise within an individual, creating the illusion of individual consciousness. So I easily opted into the idea.
And we began our focused exploration that evening; we would look into this together, keeping a pulse on what was going on within ourselves as we looked at what was said, because the mind has lots of propaganda, opinions, beliefs, and a diverse database of what is right and wrong, and facts and figures stored in memory. My Master always said that whether good or bad thoughts, to see them all as simply the play of Consciousness and let them all go. This aligns perfectly with Krishnamurti as far as I can tell. To dismiss the whole lot of everything in my thinking mind in order to be present to navigate the discussion from openness. It was a challenge of great proportions for me to simply listen and watch both inside myself and inside others.
To me, a dialogue is a kind of entering into what a friend once described as a “third space” — a neutral space, a place of potentiality, where preconceived notions are left out in order to see what will arise. In my experience, this often leads to immense creativity and the outcomes are fresh and exciting. It requires the individuals to leave out any preconceived ideas or personal agenda and to come into the space empty to work together to see what can happen. When I am in a dialogue or watching one, it is often clear that people really do not understand each other and are not taking the time to slow down enough to try to do so.
When I engaged with another person in the group that evening, it was only after listening and reflecting back multiple times to each other, that we finally each began reaching to truly listen and understand each other; longer, deeper, quieter pauses began occurring. Eventually the entire group entered into an open and sensitive space. As another person in the group pointed out, we had shifted into curiosity — open to what might arise from the unknown. This is the point where the magic of dialogue occurs; there was a tangible awareness of an expansiveness we could have remained with for a long time.
By the end of the evening, we had made a shift as a group and there was a sense of deep peace and love among us. Call it, as Krishnamurti termed it, the Immeasurable, or what you will. . . . I, for one, wanted to bask in that expansive peaceful space — true meditation, without thinking. I believe that night we did create a change in the world. For me, it was a significant shift. There it was again, that beautiful pause, a dropping into Consciousess/the perfect principle, or the Immeasurable. The power and beauty inherent in a pause have been more consistently apparent to me since that dialogue. To me, the dissolving of conflict lies in the pause. It happens in a third space.
Only when conflict is not tolerated, but is seen, understood, and therefore dissolved in one action can there be emptiness, stillness, and truth.
J. Krishnamurti, (In the Presence of Krishnamurti, by Mary Zimbalist, p.17)
Now I am more attuned to catching the moment where conflict starts, and I can pause and wait, like I do when my car is stopped at a red traffic signal. I have the ability to stay there as long as needed. I am the cause of my conflict and its dissolution and you are the cause of your conflict and its dissolution. I can stay in the pause until I see what is occurring and the conflict ends. It is in the seeing and dismissing of self-important thinking and the filter of the past that the dissolution of conflict lies; how I choose to receive and how I choose to respond. In my opinion, the first and last step is to pause. Pause, see, dissolve, listen.
When we pause, there is the potential to enter the heart and to pay attention to what is there. It has been said: “The head is never without conflict; the heart is never with conflict.” The Masters have told us to turn within to access the heart because therein lies wisdom and the ending of conflict. Only Goodness arises from the heart. And when we act out of the heart’s prompts, our impact cannot help but be positive. It is up to each one of us to end conflict.
We are the receivers of grace when we pause, and listen to the heart. There is understanding, compassion, care, seeing the beauty of the other and of oneself and of this world. Then action is clear and it has a beneficial impact on the whole.
“A good man complains of no one; he does not look to faults. Most of conflicts and tensions are due to language. Don’t pay so much attention to the words. In love’s country, language doesn’t have its place. . . .
A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”
Ms Kamala Nellen, formerly a professional dancer, spent seven years living in an ashram while studying with a spiritual Master from India and, after his passing, spent another eleven years with his successor. She is currently a performance coach and a yoga teacher.
